top of page
  • Denis Pepin

Donald Trump's MAGA Cash Cow: From Steaks to Sneakers and Beyond

Updated: May 12

Donald Trump has a long history of putting his name on products and selling them to consumers. Starting with the Trump Shuttle in 1989, he has launched a range of products, such as Trump Vodka, Trump University, Trump Steaks, Trump Cards, and most recently, Trump Sneakers. The former president has used his celebrity status and deceptive tricks to market these products, hoping to make a profit and increase his wealth. However, not all of these products have been successful. Some of them have been discontinued, sued, or exposed as frauds. But Trump is not easily deterred by failure. With a debt of more than $500 million looming over him, he could be planning to sell more products soon, such as the following:

Trump Toilet Paper: Make your bathroom great again with this luxurious toilet paper, one-ply, gold-embossed sheets featuring the face of Donald Trump on every sheet. Makes even the smallest dump feel huge. Only $19.99 per roll, plus shipping and handling (worth every penny, maybe.)

Trump Water: The purest water in the world, sourced from the melting ice caps. Climate change never tasted so refreshing! Trump Water is guaranteed to quench your thirst and your environmental concerns.  Only $9.99 per bottle, or $99.99 for a case of 12.

Eau de Grandeur: Trump Cologne: Smell like a winner (even if you lose). Citrus, spice, and pure delusion. Only $49.99 (sad!). Gift set with tiny hands tie $499.99 (covfefe not included).

Trump Mexican Wall Building Kit: Build your own tiny wall with miniature Lego-like bricks featuring a tiny golden Trump figurine, for the builder who dreams of tiny walls and tiny solutions. $14.99

GoldenTrump Toilet Brush: Drain the swamp... from your toilet bowl and scrub like a winner! Small hand, big mess. Guaranteed to make cleaning feel like a victory rally. Because even the greatest bathrooms need the greatest cleaning tools, featuring a miniature golden Trump hand at the end. $249.99, batteries not included for the automatic scrubbing feature.

Trump-a-Lago Inflatable Swan: Float like a billionaire on this majestic golden swan. Guaranteed to attract beautiful women... maybe. Just don't expect it to stay afloat for very long. $399.99, pool not included.

Trump Build the Wall Jenga: Stack the orange blocks as high as possible, but watch out for the inevitable collapse! $34.99.

Trump's Alternative Facts Encyclopedia: A comprehensive guide to the world according to Trump, where up is down, black is white, and everyone loves him. $99.99, reality not included.

Trump University Online Dating Course: Make Dating Great Again. Find your trophy wife/husband with Trump's exclusive "Grab 'em by the p...." technique. Only $999.99. (success is not guaranteed, and may attract lawsuits.)

Trump's Haircare Essentials Kit: Achieve this Donald Trump look with this unique blend of hairspray, toupee adhesive, and orange dye. $49.99. (wind tunnel testing not included)

Trump Tower Executive Stress Ball: Squeeze away the anxiety of lawsuits, investigations, and failed businesses with this therapeutic Trump-shaped stress reliever. In other words, it won't fix all your issues, but it might feel good to squish. $19.99. (therapy not included)

Trump-a-Lago Putting Green: The ultimate golfing experience for Trump fans. Put your way through a tiny version of his lavish resort, dodging palm trees and alligators. Only $999.99, plus shipping and handling. Trump-a-Lago Putting Green: Make your backyard great again. (Golf skills sold separately)

Trump Chocolate: The only chocolate that's richer than Trump himself. Bite into the golden goodness and taste the MAGA magic. Trump Chocolate: It's huge. It's tremendous. It's the best deal ever. Only $39.99 a bar, or $399.99 for a box of 10. Order now and get a free Trump wig with every purchase.

Trump Golf Club: The ultimate club for the ultimate golfer. Each Trump Golf Club has a built-in GPS, speaker, and camera. When you swing you can hear Trump's voice cheering you, and every moment is captured with the built-in camera. Trump Golf Club: It's more than a club, it's a statement. Only $999.99 a club, or $9,999.99 for a set of 12. Order now and get a free Trump hat with every order.

Trump Wine: The wine that makes you feel like a whiner, oops, I meant a wino, oops, I meant a winner, (I must have drank too much Trump Wine). Enjoy the exquisite taste of Trump's own grapes, aged to perfection, and each bottle is signed by the man himself. Trump Wine: It's smooth. It's classy. It's the best thing ever. Only $59.99 a bottle, or $599.99 for a case of 12. Buy now and get a free Trump coin with every order.

Trump Mask: The mask that makes you look like the Donald. Wear it for Halloween, parties, or pranks, and scare your friends and enemies. Trump Mask: It's scary. It's funny. It's the best mask ever. Only $19.99 for a mask, or $199.99 for a pack of 12. Order now and get a free Trump bumper sticker with every order.

Trump Pillow: The most comfortable pillow in the world, filled with Trump’s own hair and feathers. Trump Pillow is guaranteed to give you a good night’s sleep and make you dream of greatness. Only $49.99 per pillow, or $499.99 for a set of 4. Order now and get a free Trump teddy bear with every order.


Trump Book: The most informative book in the world, written by Donald Trump himself. Trump Book is a comprehensive guide to everything you need to know about life, business, politics, and more. Only $29.99 per book, or $299.99 for a signed copy. Order now and get a free Trump flag with every order.


Trump Soap: The soap that makes you great again. Cleanse yourself with Trump's secret formula and feel the power of his orange glow. Trump Soap: It's the best soap in the world. Only $9.99 a bar, or $99.99 for a pack of 12. Order now and get a free Trump towel with every order.

Trump Candle: The most fragrant candle in the world, scented with Trump’s own breath and perfume. Trump Candle is the perfect way to create a cozy and relaxing atmosphere in your home or office. Only $14.99 per candle, or $149.99 for a box of 10.

Trump Game: The game that lets you cheat like Trump. Play with your friends and family and beat them all with Trump's secrets and tricks.  Trump Game: It's the most fun game in the world. Only $49.99 a game, or $499.99 for a deluxe edition. Order now and get a free Trump card with every order.

Trump Watch: The watch that never lies. Wear it and impress everyone with Trump's design and features. Trump Watch: It's the best watch in the world. Only $199.99 a watch, or $1,999.99 for a gold-plated version. Order now and get a free Trump calendar with every order.

Trump Burger: The burger that makes you fat and happy. Bite into Trump's meat and cheese and taste the greatness. Trump Burger: It's the best burger in the world. Only $14.99 for a burger, or $149.99 for a party platter. Order now and get a free Trump napkin with every order.

Trump Doll: The most adorable doll in the world, modeled after Donald Trump’s appearance and personality. Trump Doll is a soft and cuddly doll that says Trump’s famous quotes when you squeeze it. Only $29.99 per doll, or $299.99 for a set of 4.

Trump Fake News Detector Sunglasses: Filter out the facts with these pink glasses, showing you only the news that makes you happy. Only $49.99 (batteries and sanity not included)

Trump Phone: The phone that makes you smart like Trump. Enjoy the large screen, the fast processor, the high-quality camera, and Trump's voice telling you what to do. Trump Phone: It's the best phone in the world. Only $999.99 for a phone, or $9,999.99 for a limited edition. Order now and get a free Trump ringtone with every order.


Don’t let the Trump-Abyss Drag You Down!

Trump-Abyss is a blog that reveals the harmful truth of Donald Trump. His actions have undermined democratic principles, provoked unrest, and disseminated false information. He has brought us perilously close to a nuclear conflict, estranged friendly nations, and strengthened adversaries. His conduct has demonstrated a profound disregard for the welfare of society and the principles of justice.

Share the Trump-Abyss blog with your friends, and family, and on social media platforms. The more people are aware of the dangers of a Trump’s presidency, the more they can take action to prevent or mitigate them. Together, we can defend our democracy and our planet from the Trump-Abyss. You have the power to stand up for what is right and fight for a better future. Whether you choose to vote, protest, donate, or educate, you are making a difference in the world.


bottom of page